Revel the Movement

My brain and heart divorced a decade ago.

Over who was to blame about how big of a mess I have become
Eventually, they couldn’t be in the same room with each other
Now my head and heart share custody of me
I stay with my brain
during the week
and my heart
gets me on weekends
They never speak to one another  – instead, they give me the same note to pass to each other every week
And their notes they send to one another always says the same thing:
“This is all your fault”
On Sundays my heart complains about how my head has let me down in the past
And on Wednesday my head lists all of the times my heart has screwed things up for me in the future
They blame each other for the state of my life
There’s been a lot of yelling – and crying
so,  lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my gut
Who serves as my unofficial therapist most nights, I sneak out of the window in my ribcage
and slide down my spine
and collapse on my gut’s plush leather chair
That’s always open for me
~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up
Last evening, my gut asked me if I was having a hard time
being caught between my heart and my head
I nodded
I said I didn’t know if I could live with either of them anymore
“my heart is always sad about something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried about something that may happen tomorrow,”
I lamented
my gut squeezed my hand
“I just can’t live with my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,”
I sighed
My gut smiled and said:
“in that case, you should go stay with your lungs for a while,”
I was confused
 – the look on my face gave it away
“if you are exhausted about your heart’s obsession with the fixed past 
and your mind’s focus on the uncertain future
your lungs are the perfect place for you
There is no yesterday in your lungs 
there is no tomorrow there either
there is only now

there is only inhale

there is only exhale

there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath

you can rest while your heart and head work their relationship out.”

This morning, while my brain was busy reading tea leaves
and while my heart was staring at old photographs
I packed a little bag and walked to the door of my lungs
before I could even knock
she opened the door with a smile 
and as a gust of air embraced me
she said

“what took you so long?

  ~ john roedel

Deja un comentario

Tu dirección de correo electrónico no será publicada. Los campos obligatorios están marcados con *