Why do women find it honorable to underestimate ourselves?
Why have we decided that denying what we want the most is the responsible thing to do?
Why do we believe that what excites and fulfills us will hurt our people?
Why do we absolutely distrust ourselves?
When we are girls, our families, teachers and classmates insist that our loud voices, audacious and daring opinions, and strong feelings are “too much” or “improper of a lady”, that is how we learn to distrust our personalities.
The kids’ fairy tales assure us that the girls who dare to leave the marked road and to explore are attacked by ferocious wolves and pinched by mortal spines, so we learn to distrust our curiosity.
The beauty industry convinces us day by day that our thighs, hips, skin, nails, lips, curls, eye lashes, hair on the legs, wrinkles, are repulsive and must be covered, eliminated or manipulated, so we learn to distrust the bodies we inhabit.
The dieting culture promises us that controlling our appetite is the key to our value, so we learn to distrust our own hunger.
How many times haven’t we heard ( both from women and men): “A drunk man does not look good, buuuut in a woman this is unacceptable!”?
We are not born distrusting and fearing ourselves. This is part of our conditioning and domestication. We have been taught to believe that who we are in our natural state is bad and dangerous. We have been convinced of fearing ourselves. So we do not honor our bodies, curiosities, appetites, judgements, experience or ambition.
And why? Well because our culture has been built over and benefits of controlling the woman. But what the world needs are masses and masses of women out of control.
And what can we do about it?
It is not easy to break patterns, trains of thought, life philosophies, stereotypes, and standards that were sowed so many and many years ago, of which we are not even conscious. Even more, in many cases, the people who taught us those beliefs were not conscious of them and did not even question them, they just repeated them because that is what they were taught. So that is where I think we can start, by questioning ourselves absolutely everything and that we do it with a loud voice, nevermind whatever improper of a lady it might seem.
Let’s question fairy tales.
Let’s question beauty standards.
Let’s question authority figures.
Let’s question our couples.
Let’s question everything we thought was unquestionable.
Let’s question what our parents taught us before teaching the same to our children. And no, that does not make us disloyal, unthankful, ungrateful and bad children. On the contrary, in that way we honor their teachings and we make our own. By questioning, reasoning and deciding for ourselves.
Let’s teach, not only our daughters but also our sons, to question everything. Yes, EVERYTHING, including what we say and teach to them, and above all, let’s allow ourselves to be questioned by them, they are great teachers.
Let’s change, “because I say so, I am your mother”, for: “it is a good question for which I have not an answer, let me think about it and I will answer you later on”.